//children get older//

the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste||quitt

Sun, 13 May 2012 09:08:31 -0700

Before Brittany answered Quinn decided to call Santana, the girl was her best friend and Quinn knew that she needs her. She found her phone and she called Santana. Quinn felt bad about Santana, she knew that she really loved Brittany, and she knew that Brittany really loved Santana. Even though Quinn wasn’t the nicest girl in the whole world when it comes to her real friends she just knew that it’s not right that she feels something for Brittany, but she had those feelings.

Read More

Brittany hummed to herself as she rode to the park, flying past all of the houses, turning the corners as sharply as possible. Riding was exhilarating, she had participated in a few motocross races and had loved the feeling. You’ve been hit by, you’ve been struck by—a smooth criminal! She skidded to a stop at the park, lifting her bike up as she walked towards the swings, humming a different tune.

All along the western front, people line up to receive… Brittany leaned her bike against the metal frame of the swings. She sat in the swing nearest, kicking off, attempting to get as high as possible before Quinn arrived.

She concentrated on the motion of lifting her legs and kicking them back, propelling her body forward. Brittany tried to focus on everything but Santana. She turned her mind to Quinn, who she hoped was arriving soon. What could the girl possibly need to discuss? Quinn, the head cheerleader with top grades dating the quarterback… But there was more underneath that, something she only revealed to some. Brittany had never truly bothered to dig, too caught up in the excavation of Santana.

The swinging blonde swore under her breath. Santana once again entered her thoughts, seeping through the cracks she had made in Brittany’s mind. Scars so much worse than the scratch marks left on her skin after their sexual encounters. Brittany refused to think of the countless times spent under and on top of and inside of Santana as love-making; they were always a fight for control. Of each other, of themselves, of the world around them they had no power over. A release. An escape. Dominance had a starring role in their sexual and sometimes romantic relationship, the other always fighting for it, waiting for the other to give in.

Then there was Quinn—neutral. They had expected Quinn to have chosen her religion over her two gay friends, but she stuck by them. Observing, but never judging. Brittany was always grateful for her quiet support.

The wind whistled past her as she continued to rise on her swing. She let the thoughts swirling in her head be carried into the air, hoping the universe would make use of them, because she sure couldn’t. She sighed, letting the sound become lost in the wind.

the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste||quitt

Thu, 10 May 2012 06:14:00 -0700

fabrayquinni:

Quinn had a really bad day. She want to school that morning, and as usual she smiled, a lot. She wasn’t happy at all, the only thing she wanted was to leave school and to go home. If it wasn’t enough cheer leading practice went awful. Even though Quinn looked so happy, inside she was devastated, but she couldn’t talk about it, she was Quinn Fabray, the head cheerleader, the girlfriend of the one and the only Finn Hudson. To be honest she didn’t love him at all. She liked him, obviously, he is a good guy, but she she’s not able to love him or any other guy. No one can understand how she feels around all those girls in their shirt skirts. Guys supposed to like it, not girls. Quinn knew it’s not right, but she just couldn’t change the way she feels. And if it’s not enough, her patents think that she’s Ms. Perfect, and now they started talking with her about collage.

Read More

They seemed to all be from a frantic Quinn. Brittany felt guilty for a moment, knowing that, besides Santana, Brittany was the only one Quinn was close with, even more so than her boyfriend, Finn. She had abandoned her friend and she was nearly postive that the other blonde had spent her classes alone. Probably Cheerios practice, too. The three girls were best friends and the top bitches at McKinley, without each other… They had each built up the other two while tearing everyone else down, they operated perfectly together—Quinn, their all-knowing leader commanding the halls of McKinley, Santana the snide second hand (wo)man keeping everyone in line, and Brittany, the one who could make an insult seem like a compliment, making sure her girls stayed out of trouble with the staff, often a distraction. They ruled and everyone knew it. But now, everything was going to be different. They were going to be different. Brittany, not for the first nor last time that day wondered how the three would manage.

The groggy blonde stretched and went downstairs. Her mom had finished making spaghetti and was surprised by Brittany’s sudden appearance, jumping as she ladled sauce onto her plate.

“Boo-bear! You scared me!” Brittany laughed and hugged her mom, smiling fondly at the nickname.

“Sorry, Mom. Hey, is it okay if I meet up with Quinn?”

“If you can explain to me why your school called to tell me that you missed your last two classes.”

“Whoops, forgot to mention that. I got into a fight with Santana. I don’t think we’re friends anymore… I couldn’t face her in class, so I came home. I think Quinn’s concerned, so can I go see her? Pretty, pretty please?”

Her mom squeezed her tighter.

“Only if you don’t miss class tomorrow, ‘kay, boo?”

“‘Kay.”

Brittany’s mother released her from the hug, holding her at arms length, she brushed back Brittany’s hair.

“If you want to talk about it, I’m here for you, y’know? I love you.”

Brittany nodded her head. “Love you, too, Mom.”

“Just checking. Now, eat up and head out, kiddo. Poor Quinn probably misses you.”

—-

Brittany texted Quinn back as she made herself a spaghetti sandwich.

Text: Hey. Sorry. Skipped out. Lincoln Park, 20 mins?

She polished off her dinner and headed outside to grab her bike. Brittany wondered what Quinn so desperately needed to talk about. Something about Finn, maybe? She pondered the possibilities as she headed back inside to grab her coat and keys.

“See you later, Mom. Love you!”

“Be safe!”

Brittany closed the door and left her yard, heading in the direction that would lead her to Quinn.

the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste||quitt

Wed, 09 May 2012 07:30:00 -0700

Brittany was heartbroken. Santana, after years of sweet lady kisses trailing along her neck to whisper sweeter promises into her ear, after all the pinky linking, and “extra Cheerios practice” decided that Brittany was not good enough. Or, at least, that’s how Brittany saw it. She saw the fear in the normally fearless girl’s dark eyes. The ones that should have reflected her own blue ones’ hope and love and support. They could have been unstoppable. But, alas, Brittany did not have the parts that would make it okay for Santana to love her. She was not a boy. And, what Brittany found the saddest, Santana did not have the parts to ignore her biggest flaw. Santana did not possess the heart. So she ended their relationship and left Brittany leaning against her locker, the weight of the reality too much to bear. She replayed the conversation in her head.

Santana approached Brittany’s locker, glancing around to make sure that nobody could hear them. Brittany had been collecting the books for her next class, absentmindedly organizing her afternoon. Science, Spanish, Cheerios…

“Hey, can we talk?”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk to me.”

“Well, I needed some time to think… About us.”

“What about us? We were doing fine until you freaked and left last night. Mom was so confused, she thought you were sleeping over.” She closed her locker and turned towards Santana. Brittany shrugged her shoulders to adjust her backpack and exaggerate her sentence. “So was I.”

“I needed to get away from you.”

“Ouch.”

“I needed to think.”

“Yeah, you said that.”

Brittany searched Santana’s eyes for a few seconds, realization taking a moment to seep in.

“Wait, was it what I said? Last night—did you leave because I said ‘I love you’?”

Santana opened her mouth and closed it. Her fingers twisted together and apart again.

“I—I just… I know we’ve been… intimate and we’re close—You’re my best friend, Britt-Britt, and you’re more awesome than anyone else at this school. It makes sense for me to… feel the same way that you do about me.” Brittany had her hopes up for a split second, could this be the moment she’d been waiting for? Santana’s eyes flickered down to Brittany’s hand, and the other girl knew she wished to reach out and hold it. But she also saw the hesitation. Brittany frowned. “It’s just that I’m afraid of the talk and the looks. I’m sorry, Britt, but we can’t—I can’t do this.” Santana didn’t dare meet Brittany’s suddenly narrowed eyes. The blonde crossed her arms.

“What, because I’m a girl? I meant what I said and I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you ever.”

“I know, but you can’t control the way other people are, Britts, everyo—”

“Exactly, people can think what they want, it doesn’t matter.” Now Santana crossed her arms and normally Brittany would have smiled and poked San in the side to show her that they were both being dumb and should just stop and makeout instead. But it wasn’t normal, although Brittany still thought Santana was being dumb. Why couldn’t she just proudly walk down the halls with her; act like a normal girlfriend? She was sick of hiding from everyone at school and even from her own family, although Brittany was pretty sure they knew. The walls of her house were pretty thin after all.

“But it does matter, Brittany.”

“No, it doesn’t!”

“Well, it does to me! You know how hard I work to maintain my rep here. If people caught wind of us—Social status is everything.”

“So everyone else is more important than me?”

“No, Britts, I just can’t handle this! I can’t deal with all the crap that would get thrown our way. You know what people are like here. I’m sorry, but I can’t be in love with you. I just can’t.” Santana shook her head shakily, lifting a hand to wipe at her watering eyes.

“But, you are. You’re in love with me. Why can’t you just accept that? We both know it’s true.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s true!” Santana lost control of her voice and it cracked, the exhaustion coming through. “I can’t do this anymore, Britt. I’m sorry.” She turned to walk away, but Brittany caught a hand in a desperate attempt to reign her back in.

“I love you, Santana.”

Santana paused before tugging at her hand. Brittany knew she had lost her then. In a final act of defiance, she decided she would have the last word. She would burn the words that scalded the other girl into her memory. Brittany S. Pierce refused to be pushed to the back of her lover’s mind, she would be remembered, gosh darn it. She gripped tighter.

“Santana Marie Lopez. I. Love. You.”

Brittany released her, falling back against her locker, watching Santana walk away.

The bell rang and Brittany reopened her locker, exchanged her class materials for homework and exited McKinley high. There was no way she could handle the rest of the school day, especially Spanish since she sat next to Santana, the latina whispering the correct version of whatever Mr. Schuester was attempting to say. She was sure she was going to fail now.

And there was no way in hell she was going to Cheerios practice. She’d make up an excuse for Coach Sylvester later. Something about her cat paging her or something, that’d work.

She walked home, taking her time and becoming more numb with each step. It was the only way she could survive the pain—by pretending it didn’t exist.

Brittany ended up collapsing onto her bed, curling up with Lord Tubbington and feeling him purr against her cheek. She fell asleep, only to be woken by a buzz and a ringtone a few hours later. Brittany could hear her mom in the kitchen making dinner and rolled over onto her back. The cat had vacated the room seemingly long ago. Another buzz and melody was heard. Brittany reached and grabbed her phone from her nightstand.

5 new messages

She scrolled through them.